Letters to Self

Dear Large Intestine,

Please poop. Seriously. We're worried about you! And besides - you're making things really miserable for the rest of us by being so damn stubborn. Whatever you may think in your twisted, cavernous mind, not pooping in no way makes you superior to the rest of the normal human race. Yes, humans are really gross. They eat, they poop, they piss, they fart, but it's still just something they gotta do. And in case you're forgetting? You're part of this body, too, and you have responsibilities.

So get on it. Go.

Sincerely,
Your neighbors in the digestive tract

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Dear Serotonin, Norepinephrine, Dopamine, and whomever else it may concern,

Where the hell did you go??? What is your problem?? We know that it's cold in Colorado but that is no excuse to go on some tropical island vacation without warning. There are lots of systems back here who really depend on you to function. We keep providing you with as much help as possible to keep up your morale; hell, you're probably the most pampered little beasts in this whole body. What more do you need? Silk myelin sheaths? Extra padded, fur-lined receptors? Suede dendrite gloves to keep you warm?

I mean, come on, this is ridiculous. Would you please just do your job so the rest of us can do ours?

Sincerely,

Brain, Tear Ducts, Energy, Body

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Dear Brain and Stomach,

There seems to be some sort of miscommunication going on between you two. We've checked the axons and the connection seems clear, no kinks or cuts in the line. Somehow, though, either someone's not listening or the message isn't getting through. We know Stomach is hungry because the rest of us aren't getting our fuel and instead have to listen to him complaining day in, day out. Hate to break it to you, Brain, but we can't force-feed him. It just makes him cranky and upset, and Mouth doesn't want anything either since you're apparently not sending him info either. Stomach's hungry but at the same time you're not sending him the message to tell him to eat or even make sure he knows he's hungry. You know he tends to be kinda stupid and someone's gotta get the message through since he doesn't understand himself.

We really don't have much fat left, here, man. Please send fuel soon.

Sincerely,

Muscles

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Eh. That's as clever as I can manage right now.