27 February, 2007

Haircuts and Mannequins

I get the feeling that all my entries are merely old rants rehashed. Anyone? Anyone? Yeah.

In other news, I got my hair done! This is not a big deal for normal people, but I'm crazy... And aside from that, I haven't cut my hair in like three years. Because people totally suck and wouldn't shut up about my eating habits I was feeling really ugly and disgusting by the end of the day.

Why does everyone who sees a morsel of food enter my mouth feel the need to comment on it?!? I got a mini pizza and a salad for lunch and was so hungry I charged through the salad in like ten minutes... Immediately all coworkers in the vicinity, even my manager, started jibing about how much I was eating, how either I was going to balloon or else must be purging what I eat. I HATE EVERYONE. Actually, after I'd had half the pizza and couldn't stand any more of it I lost it. Said something to the effect of, "Look, you have no right commenting about my eating habits. You have no idea about my history, you don't know if maybe I do have food issues, if maybe I was hospitalized three times last year. So back the f- off."

I wouldn't recommend that as the most polite, poised way of handling situations like that, but it did work.

When I got off early from work I wandered around the mall for a while, talked on the phone to Crystal some, saw all the mannequins in the windows and cried like a lameass, and wandered more. I've been thinking about getting my hair cut for a while now and got the idea to use my extra time to go to the salon. It was actually a really good decision.

I'm of the opinion that few things feel so good as getting your hair done. I mean seriously, isn't it just awesome to have someone play with your hair? And then the shampoo-y thingy and the little shower head thingy all sheurhohgshhhh, it's just awesome.

Watching her go snip, snip, snip as six inches of my hair fell to the floor was extremely unnerving, though.

...Mmkay, I was going to conclude with a picture but can't seem to find my bluetooth device (so that I can get said picture from my phone to the comp) sooo... Yeah.

In conclusion, yay haircuts. It was an awesome way to feel better physically, get some innocent compliments (is saying nice things about your client's hair part of the job description?), and feel better about myself without doing something crazy or triggery. I think everyone should go get their hairstyled just for the hell of it. Yep.

26 February, 2007

ED Awareness Week!

(Thank you to Laurie for reminding me. I guess I've been distracted, or just lame and forgetful...)

...Heh. Given the times, I feel like I should wear my t'shirt a lot to make a sort of positive statement. It's strange though. I can be one of the most vocal people ever, speak in front of crowds, publish the nitty gritty ugly details of my life and depression on the internet... But I'm still nervous about 'coming out' to anyone who might actually know and see me on a regular basis. None of my coworkers know about my disorder - not even Daniel, even though we spend so much time together outside work as well as at it. I'm terrified to let them find anything out about who I am outside the workplace.

I preach regularly against stigma and tell others to not be afraid to acknowledge their disorder but when it's my life and reputation on the line it's a totally different story. Don't get me wrong, I'm not confessing to being a total hypocrite. The thing is, for me to admit to anything the person pretty much has to back me into a corner and pose a true/false, yes/no question before I'll confess.

It's embarrassing. After ten years of depression, eating issues, self-injury, even more years of panic attacks and anxiety struggles, it's still utterly shameful to have someone call me out about any of them.

I don't know how to reclaim our disorders. That sounds totally horrible and not as simple and elegant as I want it to be, but the point I'm trying to make is that most, if not all, psychological disorders are an all-time favorite joke subject in this culture.

...God, this is de-railing. I've lost my direction and am rewriting each sentence like five times before getting so fed up I just leave it as is. Ugh. I think I'll cut it short.

Basically, the reason is that I'm really upset (yes, overreacting probably) about my book... I mentioned last week that my favorite book was stolen/accidentally-taken-and-not-returned by someone at work and I've not been able to get it back. As such, I'm currently trying to buy a new copy.

Problem is, a paperback edition just came out (which comparatively SUCKS) and new copies of the hardback edition are virtually gone. This book is too special and means too much to me to buy a beat up used copy and on average the book, new, sells for twenty-five to thirty bucks. Or if I purchase it via Amazon it's 16.79 but won't be shipped out until April. The special edition, which is what I had, starts at $70.

::headdesk, cries:: I want my book baaaaaack!

25 February, 2007

An entry which makes absolutely no sense

Won't be much of an entry since it's late and I'm due back at work in about eleven hours. Le sigh. I'm feeling somewhat better, though exhausted. Did NOT want to work today.

My lovely, wonderful Crystal has been giving me all these ideas for entries and they most assuredly are important and need to be written! I wish that I had the energy to give them the attention they need, though. >.< It's hard to think about eating disorder topics and invest enough mental energy when Frasier is too much effort to follow. Ya know?

Um... God. I'm so boring right now! All I want to do is curl up and go to sleep. I can't even think up a single valuable thought with which to leave you kids. The best I can come up with is: cherish your rest. Sleeeep. It is good. Take care of yourselves, loves. Peace to all.

24 February, 2007


Ugh.... As of yesterday I can think of nothing but how nauseated and sick and gross I feel. Constantly. Seriously.

I need more pepsid ac or soemthing... Blaugh...

20 February, 2007

T'shirt update

I'm working on setting up a shop --- FINALLY.

I'm sorry this has taken so long... For those who've been following my blog for a while, you'll know that I've had some crazy insanity going on as regards my housing situation. It's been difficult to keep stability in my online life when there's none in the 'real' world and unfortunately the latter has to take priority when there are things to be done.

Also, I don't even have the shirts right now. They're at my parents' house in storage because they didn't pass the cut for Really Vital Things Which Must Be Packed when I flew out to CO. I'm going to ask my parents to ship them and the supplies ASAP (Mommy? Daddy?) but until then the shop will stay closed... I don't want to list something for sale that I don't have!

Hope that clears things up a little. If you're wanting a shirt do let me know and I will write your name down but I can't give you a guess as to when I'll be able to start shipping them out again.

Reply to a reader

An interesting comment was left here yesterday... It was anonymous, no e-mail, no name, so in order to reply to it I'm going to do so here. Readers, should you feel I'm out of line or agree with the commenter or have something to say about this whole business, please chime in. Feedback rules.

I've been following your blog for a while now, and here's a thought: instead of trying to find someone or something (modern society, religion, Hollywood, etc.) to take the blame for those entrapped in an ED, why not invest your energy into helping others like you did when you started your t-shirt project?

...Maybe I'm not making myself clear or perhaps you're misunderstanding me, but I don't think I EVER said society, religion, media, or any other entity was responsible for the eating disorder epidemic. In fact, if I've misstated myself in such a gruesomely inaccurate way I owe everyone who may ever have read this blog an enormous apology.

Eating disorders are in NO WAY the fault of an outside source. Eating disorders are a mental illness. That means that something at some point in time went wrong inside my (for instance) brain, causing me to distort the way I perceive myself mentally and physically. Additionally, that switch made it so that the standards I hold for beauty, health, perfection, and self-worth are warped into a nasty misrepresentation of reality. Normal people don't look at a drastically underweight model and think, wow! she's gorgeous! I should starve myself so I can look like her! No. There has to already be something wrong with that person's thinking to cause looking at someone emaciated to seem desirable.

Instead of looking in the mirror and seeing someone underweight, tired, but otherwise still acceptable and beautiful in the eyes of god and others, my mind takes all those features and twists them around into something disgusting. Either I see someone emaciated and sallow like a holocaust caricature, hair stringy and face a mask of dark hollows and ugliness, or I see someone puffy and jiggly and gluttonous whom I loathe for what I perceive to be greed and a total lack of self-control. For the first person, I hate her for abusing her body and being a hypocrite.

I cannot look in the mirror and see myself as others see me. I cannot think about myself and be proud of my achievements or my strides toward health without being overwhelmed by the thousand little things for which I hate myself.

That is what an eating disorder is. It's why it's called a disorder - the natural order of my thinking about my self and my body somehow got thrown out of whack. There is no logic driving an eating disorder. I'm not driven by a desire to look like a media image or modern societal pressures or a religious motivation for punishment. The reason I do discuss those things so frequently is that they DO have a part to play in EDs. Plus, I keep this blog as much for informative purposes as helping others. In fact, it helps and comforts me to see advances being made culturally and hear others comment on media and religion in a way that challenges ideals I might hold toward them.

While those things in NO WAY cause EDs, they undeniably contribute.
--> TV, magazines, etc, provide an abundance of visual triggers as they put underweight women forth as a positive examples of beauty and achievement.
--> Society embraces those images and translates the messages into something that, to an eating disordered mind, sounds like, "Unless you are emaciated, you are a failure and everyone hates you."
--> Religion - specifically the Christian religion - messes with our heads because there is so much emphasis on human failings and the need to put to death pride and sin. For someone who already hates him/herself and feels they are the completely worthless scum, this can literally cause suicidality. It can lead to forms of self-injury as a way to punish the self for any minor transgression. Eating disorders became the most rampant in any era and culture but our current one in the middle ages when Christianity took over Europe, because to starve oneself showed such great self-discipline and commitment to the faith. Oh! To love god so much that one didn't need to eat! Do you have ANY idea how many saints got their sainthood by starving to death??
...Breathe. Breathing. Okay. Point being. Religion is a HUGE contributing factor in many, many cases. It's why you hear of so many girls coming down with these disorders who are daughters of pastors and religious families, good, stable family, middle-class Americans. Religion.

Also, one more thing on that. Crystal pointed out that I need to balance this, because Christianity is not all bad. My experiences may have been, which is why I am so ranty about it, but many women also are helped by religion, even rescued by it. Many religious communities embrace women suffering from EDs and help them, encourage them, comfort them. They are understanding and nurturing and the wonderful safety that sufferers need.

The reason I tend to be so strongly negative toward Christianity is that I come from a background which was catalyst and even direct encouragement for many of my issues. I suffered too many years of being told panic disorder was my fault, depression was my fault, and anorexia was my vanity. Except not that nicely. I experienced nothing but pain at the hands of Christians who thought they were helping and, as such, am really bitter toward the religion. I don't claim to be any kind of expert on this subject. I just speak from personal experience.

Returning to main point: Being able to live and function healthfully as a member of society as it stands means that I, and others with EDs, have to learn to reallign our thinking toward these pressures so we can cope with them despite our messed up brains.

You are undeniably correct when you say our society is screwed up it's perspective on beauty (thin is in), but please don't throw the baby out of the bath water.

...I love the misstatement of that colloquialism. Otherwise, I think I covered this above.

A few screwed up people shouldn't be considered representative of the majority.

Agreed. Most assuredly agreed. But I still don't see what that has to do with any of the points I've been trying to make... I haven't made any attacks on celebrities or Christians (yes, I attack many dogmatic standards. That is DIFFERENT.) or teachers or whomever. I'm attacking what is already spoken of in a general, amorphous sense: beliefs and standards. It has little or nothing to do with "a few screwed up people".

I'm sure there are probably one or two whacko's at your place of business (Cheesecake Factory?), but it would be quite unjust to label you and your co-workers as whacko's based on the character of just a few.

Not to go into this much, but... You could probably label us all crazy, actually.

That's MY rant and I'm sticking to it. Now, go forth and do something good for yourself and for someone else today!

Well, you may not like it, but I feel that I just did something good for myself and others here. Sorry.

As a final note, I'd like to point out that this blog was not started with any mission statement saying it was going to be just encouragement for fellow sufferers. My goal has been as much to educate as to help - the t'shirts are information, not just personal statement.

And aside from that? It's also my journal in many ways. I write about what I'm thinking about. When I'm going through rough spells, it's not as cheery. When I'm pissed off it reflects that.

Yes, I want to help other girls. They are on my heart twenty-four hours a day. I start crying multiple times throughout the day when I see some girl walk by with a scar from an NG tube or dark hollows under her cheekbones or sores around her mouth. It tears me apart. I want more than anything to just take all that pain away from them, even onto myself if I could.

Speaking honestly about eating disorders, how they feel, what they do, and why they're happening, seems to me like a help for those girls. EDs are extraordinarily shameful and surrounded by stigma and misperceptions. Few people know any more about EDs than what they see on the news or the skinny girls they run into now and then. Education is helpful because if you actually know facts about what this is and what causes it you know better how to help and encourage.

Empowerment is help. Putting to death misperceptions is help. Education is help.

There are more ways for me to help girls with eating disorders than just a little note of encouragement every day. I'm trying to do all that I can, however I can, and will keep on doing so as long as I'm able.

18 February, 2007


Sooo... Another nine hour work day, another short, tired entry.

Uhm... God, can't think of a single thing to say, really. Certainly nothing happy or encouraging. I've been preoccupied with bad old thoughts and habits and I don't have a clue where I stand with myself or the world. It's a total internal tumult today.

Also, I accidentally left my favorite f-ing book at work the other day and now it seems someone took it. And it's not a cheap book and I want it back. Do I cry now or later?

16 February, 2007

A departure into the semi-philosophical

I'm not sure what to do with my life. As of your Sophomore year of college you're supposed to havea pretty good idea where you're going in your studies and career pursuits, which I thought I did. Then the gods and godesses or perhaps just the Nameless Malicious Forces That Be decided once more to give me special attention and mess with me just for the hell of it. Now that I'm in recovery mode, I'm not so sure I want to try to get back on and continue in the direction I was headed.

I hate college. Really, I do. Classes almost invariably feel like a waste of time as dozens of braindead students lock themselves before the flapping mouths of their professors, ingesting the material only to spit it back out on command. There is one acceptable way to learn, one acceptable truth to memorize. College does not accomodate diversionary thinking. Hell, learning is its own flunking religion in this way: one path, one way to believe, blind memorization and acceptance of pre-established theories. The only difference is whether one accepts reason or spirituality as the ultimate guiding force.

The worst part of college study is the grading system. That's what locks students into the right way, wrong way thinking, since if you don't answer with the material desired or the manner proscribed, it's unacceptable. You're forced to abandon independent thought for the sake of impressive grades.

It's a big part of why I was such an awful student, to be honest... I'm afraid I'm rather an impossible person if you want to force me to conform. Damn the chains of religion and the educational system! I shall break them with my wildly rebellious, nonconformist self! (Haha.) I got into more than one quite literal verbal battle with my teachers, even in the midst of their lectures. (Anyone remember my child psychology professor? Or the time we had a guest speaker in my Deprivation of Liberty course?) If I disagreed with the material and the answer I was supposed to supply on the test, I would put my own answer. Sometimes even a snarky comment about how the right answer would be x but here's why I think it's incorrect or incomplete.

Don't get me wrong, though. I adore studying. It's the college system that I reject. For the reason of curriculum I loved studying at a university! It provided me with the resources, direction, and motivation to keep learning. I do a lot of this on my own, true, but not as intensively. I flourished in the college environment and delighted in the abundant resources. I loved being able to approach certain teachers outside the class environment with my thoughts, opinions, questions, conflicts. (Notable awesomes: Professor Reichler, to whom I'll forever be indebted, Professor Mastrangelo, Professor Middents, and Dr Gillespie who actually managed to get me to appreciate the value of literary interpretation as well as authorship.) If I could stay in that scholarly environment forever, all expenses paid, I'd probably do it.

....Where am I going. Jeez. Okay.

I love learning, education, scholarly pursuit. I hate college for its pointless busy work (COUGH, PROFESSOR FREAKING THOMAS, COUGH) and narrow-mindedness (GOD I HATE YOU PROFESSOR THOMAS. I don't know what I want to do with my life.

I'm actually happier right now in my menial job as a cashier and baker at the Cheesecake Factory than I was pursuing a career in psychology. I like a job which doesn't over-tax me and allows me time to think, write, read, and pursue learning on my own. I like to have a job in which I have fun. I seriously don't think I'd be happy as something important, a psychologist or doctor or researcher.

Then the problem comes in. Do I seriously want to keep working these unimportant, going nowhere jobs just because I enjoy them? Do I want to let myself be a nobody forever?

Or... Will keeping these pay-the-bills jobs give me time to become someone on my own? Will I have the dilligence and talent it takes to make it out there, do something, go somewhere without the rigidity of college?

I know that I want to write. Every experience feels like, and is, just a new way to gather material. But am I ever going to USE it? The only thing I ever write is this damn blog. I don't have a growing collection of MS Word documents, unfinished or even barely begun novels, nothing to show for all the things I say I mean to write. For that matter, I can't even think up any plot ideas. The only crap I can think to write about is my own life. Blah blah blah, whine whine whine.

SIGH. So that's my dilemma. College, grad school, doctorate and career or random jobs and endless blog entries?

JK writes on eating disorders

Mmkay, this may seem a little complicated at first, but please bear with me. For one, it's worth it only to see the site itself (if you're a Harry Potter fan) but additionally this is one of the best article/rants about eating disorders that I have seen in quite some time. (Thank you Crystal for finding this for me!)

It's a flash site so I can't link directly, elsewise I'd indeed do so or even plug the text itself... Instead, you have a scavenger hunt!

Step 1 - go to http://www.jkrowling.com
Step 2 - glide your cursor over to the hairbrush. And click.
Step 3 - select the side tab 'miscellaneous'.
Step 4 - select the first article text thing labeled 'For girls only, probably...'
Step 5 - self-explanatory, I hope, but read.

And finally, if you've a mind, come back here and tell me your thoughts.

Ms. Rowling, thank you. I hope that with such an influential article writing this it may make a difference... God knows there's a world-wide problem with eating disorders, at the least in the developed world.

It never ceases to confuse me how in undeveloped countries being heavy is the beautiful, desirable thing. It means you're rich enough, well-off and able to afford enough food to take good care of yourself. The skinny ones are the people without enough nourishment! They're the ones starving because they have no choice.

And yet, here in the countries abounding in food, the standard of beauty somehow got twisted around. The richer you are, the skinnier you're supposed to be. When did power, strength, commitment to success, become synonymous with emaciation? It makes no sense to me.

Please understand me: I sound all soap-boxy in this entry, but I don't mean to seem any better than any other girl facing this illness. I'm trapped in the same illogical thought processes despite all efforts at higher reasoning. There are two minds, one that makes sense and one that can't accept beauty to be humanity in its natural form. It's a constant war, one I can only hope will someday resolve itself in a reasonable fashion.

15 February, 2007

New links!

A real post may come later, but in the mean time I wanted to let you know I've added a couple links regarding surviving suicidal crises. You'll find them on the right in the sidebar. :)

Also... Crystal baby, you are amazing. Thank you, thank you, thank you for that post. I love you. <333

Sappy blog takeover

Hi, everybody! It’s Crystal, Tina’s devoted girlfriend, with a special surprise Valentine’s Day post for my poor, sick girl.

Later, there will be chocolate and flowers and giant stuffed teddy bears. There will also be Starbucks and dinner. There will also be giant handmade cards, because I refuse the bland Hallmark empire and their froofy overpriced saccharine crap. We bought posterboard, glitter, red foam paper, lace, glue and markers – today’s gonna be a fun day.

Why today, you ask, instead of yesterday? For this reason: my sick girl dragged herself out of bed for a ten-hour shift. On Valentine’s Day, in a romantic restaurant. She’s working so hard to support us, and there are really no words for how grateful I am.

You blog-readers seriously have no idea how lucky you are this girl wandered into your life! She’s got such a big heart I’m surprised it fits in her chest. She cares so much about each and every one of you; her love for her girls seems boundless, her compassion for her fellow sufferers is limitless.

No one’s luckier than me, however. She’s my forever. It’s been two and a half years, and I’m still just as in love as I was when she surprised me with that first kiss on September 20, 2004. So far, we’ve shared almost every single “first” together, and honestly? There’s nothing I’d change, nothing at all.

This is the first Valentine’s Day we’ve spent together out of the three we’ve been in love, and man, I’m going to make it as sweet as possible for the sweetest girl in the world.

I love you, Taylor, and I will, forever.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Stranded. In the living room.

::sighs:: So, officially, I kind of fail.

Something I haven't discussed much here is the fact that a certain housemate feels all possessions in this house belong to her, regardless of where they are or who bought them or whateverthehell. Today when I went to get dressed, I discovered that my tights had been stolen. This may not seem like such a big deal but when it's eighteen degrees out and you're sick and have to travel over an hour to get to work, not having leggings to wear under your uniform can be really upsetting. Especially if you're a depressive running a fever preparing for an eleven hour work shift.

In an effort to prevent any more of my personal belongings from disappearing (over the past two weeks: one bag of sharpies, thirty-three dollars, one pair of socks which I later saw ON HER FEET, one pair tights...) I locked our bedroom door. I assumed this was one of those friendly little doors that you could slip open with a card in the latch, or pop the lock with a nail in the keyhole like we had in my parents' house. Nah-uh. Maybe I should have checked it first.

Because Crystal and I still have not been able to get into our damn bedroom.

::headdesk, sobs::

I feel awful, am running a fever, have no voice, am exhausted from working working working nonstop, and all I want to do is get into bed and sleep and I can't even get into my bedroom. Seriously, we're totally locked out! We can't even take the doorknob off because the screws are on the inside! WE HAVE NO WAY TO GET IN!!!!!

::cries:: All I want is to go to bed.... THIS ISN'T FUNNY, GODDAMMIT! STOP LAUGHING!

13 February, 2007

Boring entry #2

Cough, cough, hack, ugh. Recent moodiness and malaise is now explained: illness. Being sick sends my mood to hell indeed.

I'm exhausted and the thought of updating intelligently or expansively is completely beyond me at the moment... I've put in thirty-five hours since Friday and will be working another ten to eleven hour shift tomorrow. That's right: I'm sick, feverish, have the voice of a frog, can barely stand up, and will be working noon to eleven on Valentine's Day. At the Cheesecake Factory, already one of the busiest restaurants in the nation. I'm going to die.

::blank, zoning-out look:: Yeah, that's it for my entry. I'm going to get a hot mug of tea and go to bed now.

12 February, 2007

Depressed. Crappy. Screw updating. I'm sick of being constantly on the defense.

11 February, 2007

The sleepy, confusing thoughts of an overworked chica

God, it's going to be hard to think of something to write tonight... I woke, dressed, went to work... worked... and now, thirteen hours later, am back in bed where I started the day. >.< Eeeew. It feels like I've been awake quite a bit longer than I have - in actuality, it's just that I worked ten of the past thirteen hours and therefore am completely exhausted. Blah blah workedy work.

The only thing I can really say about today that has a vague sort of merit is that it often strikes me, working in the bakery of a Cheesecake Factory, both how far I've come and how ironic my choice of work is. (Most awkwardly worded sentence ever. I'm too tired to fix it.)

It's sickening how many total strangers harrass me about my weight on any given shift. I'll never get used to it. The strange, somewhat comforting thing is that finally, at least a little, it's starting to become a galling irritation instead of a starve-me-purge-me-something-anything trigger. I can't deny that it still hurts and pokes every time someone cracks a joke about how impossible it must be for me to work where I do and stay skinny (on my bitterest days I have been known to shoot back a rude, anorexic remark, but I'd not recommend that course of action to anyone). It still makes me bone check and run for a mirror when overweight, middle-aged individuals tell me that haha, enjoy it while you can, you won't be skinny for very long!

...My mind is rabbit trailing tonight. All my life I've heard comments like that: enjoy it while it lasts. I was a wiry newborn and I stayed that way whether starving or not. It's how my body is built, I guess. I've got a small, long frame and a high metabolism. And yet relatives, friends, total strangers have always felt it their duty to inform me that if I don't shape up my eating habits I will wake up one morning to find I've ballooned. Working where I do, I eat like crap. I had nibbles of pizza, cheesecake, fries, and a sandwich today. And I'm terrified that I'll wake up to find that obese young woman all my friends and coworkers warn me of.

In the end, what does it matter??? Why is it such a big deal if I'm skinny or average or overweight? Perfect doesn't exist; I'll always be off by a pound or a pants size should I be fifty pounds or five hundred. If I've gotten anything from therapy it's that I need to learn to be content with myself as I am, right now, as I was made to be. Why can't others be content with me as I am? That's the strange thing.

God, I'm making absolutely no sense. I'm falling asleep on the keyboard, here, and I'm afraid to say a whole lot since it takes a little consciousness to censor highly triggering material. Thoughts in the raw should remain where they are. ...That doesn't make sense either...

I'm opening cashier tomorrow, so I'm going to end this and go to sleep. Maybe someone can glean a coherent thought from this. :-P

Peace to you all. Mmmwah!

10 February, 2007

"Alli" my ass.

I've been holding off throwing this entry at you since I've only just gotten back to the entry making. You know, kinda ease in to things. However, since E Hollywood News is on the television and they're talking aaaall about the topic I wrote on yesterday... I give it to you.

All the diet pill commercials are starting to push me over the edge. I’ve been hoping they’d slow as we got away from the New Year and all the resolutions faded away but instead the onslaught is only growing worse. Perhaps it's Valentine's Day or the Academy Awards or Anna Nicole Smith or a combination, but aside from hearing them talk about paternity tests all the media seems to want to discuss are diet aids.

Now to make matters worse, the FDA has actually approved one of those TV-doctor-recommended dietetics as an over-the-counter medication. I mean… I don’t know. Yes, I realize that eating disorders come in many different forms and that obesity is as much a problem as bulimia or anorexia. I don't know the exact statistics, but my guess is that only a tiny percentage of Americans actually land in the ‘healthy’ category. It's also true that even with a strict diet and high exercise regimen many people have a hard time losing weight or maintaining a healthy one.

With that in mind, perhaps a prescription medication could be helpful for those who are morbidly obese and running out of options. The thing is, diet pills are like caffeine or Tylenol in this country – taken when not needed and abused by those who have no reason to take them in the first place. (Okay, that metaphor derailed. Give me a break.)

CNN said they’re “intended for persons over the age of eighteen” but is that really gonna stop adolescents? Age limits certainly don't do much for cigarettes, porn, or alcohol. For another thing, it could just be that I look old, but I was never asked to show ID when purchasing diet pills at, or under, age. Even if drug stores were extremely careful about who they allowed to purchase the medication, teens have plenty of other ways to get ahold of them. For many girls I've known with bulimia and ED-NOS, their mothers purchased diet pills and pushed them on their daughters they felt were overweight. Who on earth could think an age limit would work?

Aside from the under eighteen crowd, I’d also like to point out that adolescents are not statistically the demographic with the highest instance of eating disorders. That’d be the college students, the majority of whom are older than eighteen, out on their own for the first time, starting to get jobs and credit cards and cash. (Crystal told me the exact percentage is 24-26% of all college women, and that statistic only reflects those who have reported their disorders.) We’re also the crowd with the strongest pressures to be skinny and gorgeous, the crowd at whom magazines, movies, commercials and ads aim their spiels.

FDA, come to your senses. You realize there’s a problem in this country with eating disorders. Does approving a diet pill for over the counter acquisition seem at all logical toward stemming the ever-increasing numbers?

There are better ways to fix the obesity problem than throwing pills at us. Please, DO NOT just make it easier for us to get ahold of diet pills and more ways to lose weight. IF YOU MUST KEEP THE PILLS, AT LEAST KEEP THEM PRESCRIPTION.

Hoorah! The internet liiives!

YAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!! It's official! THE INTERNET IS FINALLY OFFICIAL!!!!! Expect more and frequent updates from now on, for better or worse. ^.^ Chances are they'll be quite lame for a while as I try to whip my atrophied brain back into shape...

Lately work has been the most dominant thing on my mind and schedule. It is really a wonderful thing, though... A paycheck, a thing to do, some coworkers to befriend. Daniel and I have been spending a lot of time together - particularly since he has a car and lives near me. Hee. Last night he came over after work and stayed until freakin' two in the morning watching tv and playing random card games and such. This when my body kinda turns off around ten PM these days.

...Okay, side note. Watching CNN right now and the biggest news, aside from Anna Nicole Smith, is Hillary's wardrobe. Holy crap. Do they seriously have nothing better to discuss than whether or not she should be wearing pants suits? I mean... Jeebus!

I guess it must be a really slow news week. We've got Anna Nicole, Hillary's clothing, and Norbit. I will be honest about that: I haven't seen it and don't plan to, and, in many ways, can see the point female activists are making about the stereotypic pressures it cites. I haven't been following a whole lot of the controversy regarding the obesity/emaciation 'debate' but from what I've heard it certainly doesn't sound like a positive influence in the slightest. In fact, it sounds downright offensive to both parties and all those in between.

What is it with the developed world and its obsession with weight - especially as regards women? It's ridiculous! There are for more important things to think about, you know? Arrrrgh...

Heh, can you tell that I'm really not feeling that talkative today? Sorries. I'll certainly update again at least tomorrow and try to think up something of greater substance and development. In the mean time I'll leave you to your own thoughts and invite comments or topics you're interested in, update suggestions, etc. Cheers!

03 February, 2007

Boring life update

Jesu Christo, won't it be nice when the wireless internet is finally set up at the house and I can have consistent access to this beast?

And Lordy, but I've only got another fourteen minutes remaining before the durnded library internet evicts me, so this must be brief. Cat darling, I'll get to replying to that e-mail as soon as I can. Or, more likely, I may try to write a paper version for want of interneting... Can you e-mail me your address (yet again)? <3

Having a job again is helping the depression immensely. Last week I put in about thirty-five hours and this week(end) is shaping up similarly, so one my paycheck comes Tuesday-or-therabouts it'll be quite the happy celebration. What I really want to do is go skiing with Crystal and her mom. <333333 Not sure how the prices'll look on that one, though... May have to set some funds aside and wait for the next check to cap it off.

If nothing else, work is helping to fill the empty, lonely hours and thereby keep my mind from having too many silent moments on which to brood. The snow continues to come down every few days and from my perch behind a bakery cash register I have a good view out the front windows and can watch the prettiness without worrying about its consequences... Always fun. (Perhaps, eventually, I shall afford a car. In the meantime...yay public transport.) AI! Nine minutes!

Okay. Soooo I'm making some friends at work, which also helps. All the bakery staff seem to be quite the tight-knit group but they are welcoming me in as one of their own. Daniel and Marque are my two homies so far... We've determined that with the three of us working there is too much gay in the bakery for our own good. Hehe. Daniel is the sweetest teddy bear you will ever meet and Marque, though frequently bitchy, is certainly no match for my own vinegar so we get on fine. It's quite bizarre trying to force myself to soften since even the sharpest of Coloradans tend not to meet the average Washingtonian temperament. Another wonderful help is that nearly everyone drives and many of them live naught five minutes from the house, meaning plenty of offers of rides.

Okys, and we're down to five minutes so I'll jot an end. ...Um, lacking a good conclusion... I guess that's about all. Siri, I got your letter the other day!!! I'm working on a reply. Anyone else... Um.... Loves!