JK writes on eating disorders

Mmkay, this may seem a little complicated at first, but please bear with me. For one, it's worth it only to see the site itself (if you're a Harry Potter fan) but additionally this is one of the best article/rants about eating disorders that I have seen in quite some time. (Thank you Crystal for finding this for me!)

It's a flash site so I can't link directly, elsewise I'd indeed do so or even plug the text itself... Instead, you have a scavenger hunt!

Step 1 - go to http://www.jkrowling.com
Step 2 - glide your cursor over to the hairbrush. And click.
Step 3 - select the side tab 'miscellaneous'.
Step 4 - select the first article text thing labeled 'For girls only, probably...'
Step 5 - self-explanatory, I hope, but read.

And finally, if you've a mind, come back here and tell me your thoughts.

Ms. Rowling, thank you. I hope that with such an influential article writing this it may make a difference... God knows there's a world-wide problem with eating disorders, at the least in the developed world.

It never ceases to confuse me how in undeveloped countries being heavy is the beautiful, desirable thing. It means you're rich enough, well-off and able to afford enough food to take good care of yourself. The skinny ones are the people without enough nourishment! They're the ones starving because they have no choice.

And yet, here in the countries abounding in food, the standard of beauty somehow got twisted around. The richer you are, the skinnier you're supposed to be. When did power, strength, commitment to success, become synonymous with emaciation? It makes no sense to me.

Please understand me: I sound all soap-boxy in this entry, but I don't mean to seem any better than any other girl facing this illness. I'm trapped in the same illogical thought processes despite all efforts at higher reasoning. There are two minds, one that makes sense and one that can't accept beauty to be humanity in its natural form. It's a constant war, one I can only hope will someday resolve itself in a reasonable fashion.

New links!

A real post may come later, but in the mean time I wanted to let you know I've added a couple links regarding surviving suicidal crises. You'll find them on the right in the sidebar. :)

Also... Crystal baby, you are amazing. Thank you, thank you, thank you for that post. I love you. <333

Sappy blog takeover

Hi, everybody! It’s Crystal, Tina’s devoted girlfriend, with a special surprise Valentine’s Day post for my poor, sick girl.

Later, there will be chocolate and flowers and giant stuffed teddy bears. There will also be Starbucks and dinner. There will also be giant handmade cards, because I refuse the bland Hallmark empire and their froofy overpriced saccharine crap. We bought posterboard, glitter, red foam paper, lace, glue and markers – today’s gonna be a fun day.

Why today, you ask, instead of yesterday? For this reason: my sick girl dragged herself out of bed for a ten-hour shift. On Valentine’s Day, in a romantic restaurant. She’s working so hard to support us, and there are really no words for how grateful I am.

You blog-readers seriously have no idea how lucky you are this girl wandered into your life! She’s got such a big heart I’m surprised it fits in her chest. She cares so much about each and every one of you; her love for her girls seems boundless, her compassion for her fellow sufferers is limitless.

No one’s luckier than me, however. She’s my forever. It’s been two and a half years, and I’m still just as in love as I was when she surprised me with that first kiss on September 20, 2004. So far, we’ve shared almost every single “first” together, and honestly? There’s nothing I’d change, nothing at all.

This is the first Valentine’s Day we’ve spent together out of the three we’ve been in love, and man, I’m going to make it as sweet as possible for the sweetest girl in the world.

I love you, Taylor, and I will, forever.

Stranded. In the living room.

::sighs:: So, officially, I kind of fail.

Something I haven't discussed much here is the fact that a certain housemate feels all possessions in this house belong to her, regardless of where they are or who bought them or whateverthehell. Today when I went to get dressed, I discovered that my tights had been stolen. This may not seem like such a big deal but when it's eighteen degrees out and you're sick and have to travel over an hour to get to work, not having leggings to wear under your uniform can be really upsetting. Especially if you're a depressive running a fever preparing for an eleven hour work shift.

In an effort to prevent any more of my personal belongings from disappearing (over the past two weeks: one bag of sharpies, thirty-three dollars, one pair of socks which I later saw ON HER FEET, one pair tights...) I locked our bedroom door. I assumed this was one of those friendly little doors that you could slip open with a card in the latch, or pop the lock with a nail in the keyhole like we had in my parents' house. Nah-uh. Maybe I should have checked it first.

Because Crystal and I still have not been able to get into our damn bedroom.

::headdesk, sobs::

I feel awful, am running a fever, have no voice, am exhausted from working working working nonstop, and all I want to do is get into bed and sleep and I can't even get into my bedroom. Seriously, we're totally locked out! We can't even take the doorknob off because the screws are on the inside! WE HAVE NO WAY TO GET IN!!!!!

::cries:: All I want is to go to bed.... THIS ISN'T FUNNY, GODDAMMIT! STOP LAUGHING!

Boring entry #2

Cough, cough, hack, ugh. Recent moodiness and malaise is now explained: illness. Being sick sends my mood to hell indeed.

I'm exhausted and the thought of updating intelligently or expansively is completely beyond me at the moment... I've put in thirty-five hours since Friday and will be working another ten to eleven hour shift tomorrow. That's right: I'm sick, feverish, have the voice of a frog, can barely stand up, and will be working noon to eleven on Valentine's Day. At the Cheesecake Factory, already one of the busiest restaurants in the nation. I'm going to die.

::blank, zoning-out look:: Yeah, that's it for my entry. I'm going to get a hot mug of tea and go to bed now.

Depressed. Crappy. Screw updating. I'm sick of being constantly on the defense.

The sleepy, confusing thoughts of an overworked chica

God, it's going to be hard to think of something to write tonight... I woke, dressed, went to work... worked... and now, thirteen hours later, am back in bed where I started the day. >.< Eeeew. It feels like I've been awake quite a bit longer than I have - in actuality, it's just that I worked ten of the past thirteen hours and therefore am completely exhausted. Blah blah workedy work.

The only thing I can really say about today that has a vague sort of merit is that it often strikes me, working in the bakery of a Cheesecake Factory, both how far I've come and how ironic my choice of work is. (Most awkwardly worded sentence ever. I'm too tired to fix it.)

It's sickening how many total strangers harrass me about my weight on any given shift. I'll never get used to it. The strange, somewhat comforting thing is that finally, at least a little, it's starting to become a galling irritation instead of a starve-me-purge-me-something-anything trigger. I can't deny that it still hurts and pokes every time someone cracks a joke about how impossible it must be for me to work where I do and stay skinny (on my bitterest days I have been known to shoot back a rude, anorexic remark, but I'd not recommend that course of action to anyone). It still makes me bone check and run for a mirror when overweight, middle-aged individuals tell me that haha, enjoy it while you can, you won't be skinny for very long!

...My mind is rabbit trailing tonight. All my life I've heard comments like that: enjoy it while it lasts. I was a wiry newborn and I stayed that way whether starving or not. It's how my body is built, I guess. I've got a small, long frame and a high metabolism. And yet relatives, friends, total strangers have always felt it their duty to inform me that if I don't shape up my eating habits I will wake up one morning to find I've ballooned. Working where I do, I eat like crap. I had nibbles of pizza, cheesecake, fries, and a sandwich today. And I'm terrified that I'll wake up to find that obese young woman all my friends and coworkers warn me of.

In the end, what does it matter??? Why is it such a big deal if I'm skinny or average or overweight? Perfect doesn't exist; I'll always be off by a pound or a pants size should I be fifty pounds or five hundred. If I've gotten anything from therapy it's that I need to learn to be content with myself as I am, right now, as I was made to be. Why can't others be content with me as I am? That's the strange thing.

God, I'm making absolutely no sense. I'm falling asleep on the keyboard, here, and I'm afraid to say a whole lot since it takes a little consciousness to censor highly triggering material. Thoughts in the raw should remain where they are. ...That doesn't make sense either...

I'm opening cashier tomorrow, so I'm going to end this and go to sleep. Maybe someone can glean a coherent thought from this. :-P

Peace to you all. Mmmwah!

"Alli" my ass.

I've been holding off throwing this entry at you since I've only just gotten back to the entry making. You know, kinda ease in to things. However, since E Hollywood News is on the television and they're talking aaaall about the topic I wrote on yesterday... I give it to you.

All the diet pill commercials are starting to push me over the edge. I’ve been hoping they’d slow as we got away from the New Year and all the resolutions faded away but instead the onslaught is only growing worse. Perhaps it's Valentine's Day or the Academy Awards or Anna Nicole Smith or a combination, but aside from hearing them talk about paternity tests all the media seems to want to discuss are diet aids.

Now to make matters worse, the FDA has actually approved one of those TV-doctor-recommended dietetics as an over-the-counter medication. I mean… I don’t know. Yes, I realize that eating disorders come in many different forms and that obesity is as much a problem as bulimia or anorexia. I don't know the exact statistics, but my guess is that only a tiny percentage of Americans actually land in the ‘healthy’ category. It's also true that even with a strict diet and high exercise regimen many people have a hard time losing weight or maintaining a healthy one.

With that in mind, perhaps a prescription medication could be helpful for those who are morbidly obese and running out of options. The thing is, diet pills are like caffeine or Tylenol in this country – taken when not needed and abused by those who have no reason to take them in the first place. (Okay, that metaphor derailed. Give me a break.)

CNN said they’re “intended for persons over the age of eighteen” but is that really gonna stop adolescents? Age limits certainly don't do much for cigarettes, porn, or alcohol. For another thing, it could just be that I look old, but I was never asked to show ID when purchasing diet pills at, or under, age. Even if drug stores were extremely careful about who they allowed to purchase the medication, teens have plenty of other ways to get ahold of them. For many girls I've known with bulimia and ED-NOS, their mothers purchased diet pills and pushed them on their daughters they felt were overweight. Who on earth could think an age limit would work?

Aside from the under eighteen crowd, I’d also like to point out that adolescents are not statistically the demographic with the highest instance of eating disorders. That’d be the college students, the majority of whom are older than eighteen, out on their own for the first time, starting to get jobs and credit cards and cash. (Crystal told me the exact percentage is 24-26% of all college women, and that statistic only reflects those who have reported their disorders.) We’re also the crowd with the strongest pressures to be skinny and gorgeous, the crowd at whom magazines, movies, commercials and ads aim their spiels.

FDA, come to your senses. You realize there’s a problem in this country with eating disorders. Does approving a diet pill for over the counter acquisition seem at all logical toward stemming the ever-increasing numbers?

There are better ways to fix the obesity problem than throwing pills at us. Please, DO NOT just make it easier for us to get ahold of diet pills and more ways to lose weight. IF YOU MUST KEEP THE PILLS, AT LEAST KEEP THEM PRESCRIPTION.

Hoorah! The internet liiives!

YAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!! It's official! THE INTERNET IS FINALLY OFFICIAL!!!!! Expect more and frequent updates from now on, for better or worse. ^.^ Chances are they'll be quite lame for a while as I try to whip my atrophied brain back into shape...

Lately work has been the most dominant thing on my mind and schedule. It is really a wonderful thing, though... A paycheck, a thing to do, some coworkers to befriend. Daniel and I have been spending a lot of time together - particularly since he has a car and lives near me. Hee. Last night he came over after work and stayed until freakin' two in the morning watching tv and playing random card games and such. This when my body kinda turns off around ten PM these days.

...Okay, side note. Watching CNN right now and the biggest news, aside from Anna Nicole Smith, is Hillary's wardrobe. Holy crap. Do they seriously have nothing better to discuss than whether or not she should be wearing pants suits? I mean... Jeebus!

I guess it must be a really slow news week. We've got Anna Nicole, Hillary's clothing, and Norbit. I will be honest about that: I haven't seen it and don't plan to, and, in many ways, can see the point female activists are making about the stereotypic pressures it cites. I haven't been following a whole lot of the controversy regarding the obesity/emaciation 'debate' but from what I've heard it certainly doesn't sound like a positive influence in the slightest. In fact, it sounds downright offensive to both parties and all those in between.

What is it with the developed world and its obsession with weight - especially as regards women? It's ridiculous! There are for more important things to think about, you know? Arrrrgh...

Heh, can you tell that I'm really not feeling that talkative today? Sorries. I'll certainly update again at least tomorrow and try to think up something of greater substance and development. In the mean time I'll leave you to your own thoughts and invite comments or topics you're interested in, update suggestions, etc. Cheers!

Boring life update

Jesu Christo, won't it be nice when the wireless internet is finally set up at the house and I can have consistent access to this beast?

And Lordy, but I've only got another fourteen minutes remaining before the durnded library internet evicts me, so this must be brief. Cat darling, I'll get to replying to that e-mail as soon as I can. Or, more likely, I may try to write a paper version for want of interneting... Can you e-mail me your address (yet again)? <3

Having a job again is helping the depression immensely. Last week I put in about thirty-five hours and this week(end) is shaping up similarly, so one my paycheck comes Tuesday-or-therabouts it'll be quite the happy celebration. What I really want to do is go skiing with Crystal and her mom. <333333 Not sure how the prices'll look on that one, though... May have to set some funds aside and wait for the next check to cap it off.

If nothing else, work is helping to fill the empty, lonely hours and thereby keep my mind from having too many silent moments on which to brood. The snow continues to come down every few days and from my perch behind a bakery cash register I have a good view out the front windows and can watch the prettiness without worrying about its consequences... Always fun. (Perhaps, eventually, I shall afford a car. In the meantime...yay public transport.) AI! Nine minutes!

Okay. Soooo I'm making some friends at work, which also helps. All the bakery staff seem to be quite the tight-knit group but they are welcoming me in as one of their own. Daniel and Marque are my two homies so far... We've determined that with the three of us working there is too much gay in the bakery for our own good. Hehe. Daniel is the sweetest teddy bear you will ever meet and Marque, though frequently bitchy, is certainly no match for my own vinegar so we get on fine. It's quite bizarre trying to force myself to soften since even the sharpest of Coloradans tend not to meet the average Washingtonian temperament. Another wonderful help is that nearly everyone drives and many of them live naught five minutes from the house, meaning plenty of offers of rides.

Okys, and we're down to five minutes so I'll jot an end. ...Um, lacking a good conclusion... I guess that's about all. Siri, I got your letter the other day!!! I'm working on a reply. Anyone else... Um.... Loves!